


Punny Nights

by high_functioning_sociopath



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Drunk Texting, Drunk Uchiha Sasuke, Drunk Uzumaki Naruto, Fluff, Humor, Language, M/M, Sassy Uchiha Sasuke, Texting, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/high_functioning_sociopath/pseuds/high_functioning_sociopath
Summary: [1:20] Boo, you whore[1:22] What?[1:24] You’ve never seen mean girls???[1:27] Can’t say that I have[1:28] That’s it, we’re having a viewing party[1:30] ...I’m going to bed.[1:32] BOO YOU WHOREIn which Naruto is annoying and Sasuke is a little bitch.





	1. Late night drunk text shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto is regular, Sasuke is bold, Sakura is underlined, Hinata is italics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular, Sasuke is bold

Sunday AM

[1:03] Hellooo neighbor!

**[1:06] I don’t know my neighbors, and they certainly don’t have my number**

[1:07] We’re phone neighbors! 

**[1:09] I’m going to need more than that**

[1:10] Your number is only one digit off from mine, duhh

**[1:13] And what, pray tell, made you decide that it was a good idea to text a random stranger at 1am?**

[1:15] I’m boreddd

[1:15] I also may be a little drunk

[1:16] Maybe

**[1:18] That explains a lot**

**[1:19] Maybe you should be going to sleep**

[1:20] Boo, you whore

**[1:22] What?**

[1:24] You’ve never seen mean girls???

**[1:27] Can’t say that I have**

[1:28] Duuuuuuuude

[1:28] That’s it, we’re having a viewing party

**[1:30] ...I’m going to bed.**

[1:32] BOO YOU WHORE

~

[10:52] My head is fucking pounding

**[10:54] How colorful**

[10:55] Fucking shit motherfucking fuckballs

**[10:57] That wasn’t a challenge**

[10:58] And yet, here we are

[11:01] So we know why I was awake at 1am, now why were YOU awake at 1am?

**[11:04] I’m in a constant state of insomnia. I never sleep.**

[11:06] But sleep is one of the big 3, you gotta have sleep

[11:06] What if I sing you a lullaby?

**[11:08] Now? I’m working**

[11:09] Ooh, what do you do?

**[11:12] I work in an office**

[11:14] Aren’t offices closed on Sundays?

**[11:16] The office is closed. Doesn’t mean I’m free.**

[11:17] Man, that’s brutal. I hope they’re paying you the big bucks

**[11:19] I suppose you could say that**

[11:20] Movie night’s on you ;)

**[11:23] Boo, you whore**

~

Monday PM

**[4:45] So you know I work in an office. What do you do?**

[4:49] Me? Oh, I’m just a lowly waiter. Nothing fancy like...lawyer?

**[4:51] Are you attempting to guess my occupation?**

[4:52] Am I close?

**[4:54] Not quite**

[4:55] What do you dooo

**[4:58] No, no, I quite like this game you’ve started. Go on.**

[5:00] Oh, uhhh...Accountant?

[5:00] Insurance agent?

[5:01] Ooh, 007!

**[5:03] James Bond does not work in an office, you heathen**

[5:05] It’s cute how much you care

**[5:07] Keh.**

[5:08] Who are you, Inuyasha?

**[5:10] You seem to forget I don’t know your friends**

[5:11] My fr…

[5:11] Oh god, you’re one of those anime haters, aren’t you?

**[5:14] Not a hater. Just not interested.**

[5:16] Oi, what am I gonna do with you

**[5:18] Well, considering I’m just a stranger in your phone, you can do whatever you want with me**

[5:19] Ooh, kinky

**[5:21] ...not what I meant**

[5:23] TOO LATE, CAN’T TAKE IT BACK

**[5:26] I’m changing the subject**

**[5:26] What’s the big 3?**

[5:28] Huh?

**[5:30] Last night, you said sleep was one of the big 3. What’s the big 3?**

[5:31] Oh! Sleep, food, and sex. Obviously.

**[5:33] Obviously.**

[5:34] Personally, I think food is number 1 on the list. Especially ramen, mmmmm…

**[5:37] I prefer a nice steak**

[5:39] How basic

**[5:41] Steak is not basic, steak is delicious**

[5:43] Whatever you say, pumpkin

**[5:45] Pumpkin? Is that what we’re doing now?**

[5:46] It sure is, shnookums

**[5:49] Please stop**

[5:51] Awwwww puddin’

**[5:53] I’m ending this now**

[5:54] Cupcake, nooo

[5:59] Fine, but I will get you!


	2. Pet names and night games

Wednesday PM

[10:45] Let’s play 20 questions

**[10:47] Why?**

[10:49] That doesn’t count as a question!

**[10:50] Fine. You start.**

[10:51] What’s your favorite color?

**[10:53] Lame. It’s blue.**

[10:56] That question was not lame! Let’s see you do better!

**[10:58] If you could travel to anywhere in the world, free of charge, where would you go?**

[11:00] ...okay, that is better

[11:00] It’s cliche, but I want to go to New York

**[11:03] Why there?**

[11:04] Uh uh, my turn to ask

[11:07] Okay, what’s your happy place?

**[11:09] Hmm… I suppose my bedroom**

[11:11] KINKY

**[11:15] You have *got* to stop doing that**

[11:16] ;)

**[11:18] Why do you want to go to New York?**

[11:19] Idk, just seems like the place to be

[11:19] Why? Where would you go?

**[11:22] Italy**

[11:23] Pastaaaaa

[11:23] I should make you pasta. It’ll be just as good as Italy

**[11:25] I’ve actually been to Italy, so I would be a good judge**

[11:27] You’ve been to Italy?? Then why do you wanna use your 1 free ticket to go there??

**[11:30] I travel for work a lot, I’ve been to many places. Italy was my favorite and I don’t get to enjoy my time there when I go for business, and I don’t have time to go on my own**

[11:32] Take your vacation and go to Italy! Ooh, ooh, take me with youuuuu

**[11:34] I’m not taking a stranger with me on my vacation. Besides, I’m too busy to take a vacation.**

[11:37] Too busy?? If I had the money, I would totally spend my vacation in New York!

**[11:39] Well, you’re a waiter, not a financial analyst**

[11:42] GASP

[11:42] Did you just accidentally tell me what you do??

**[11:45] ...it would appear so**

[11:46] YAY I WIN I KNOW WHAT YOU DO

**[11:48] You don’t *win*, you didn’t guess it**

[11:50] But I sneakily convinced you to tell me. Like a ninja.

**[11:53] I’m rolling my eyes at you right now.**

[11:54] You love me and you know it

**[11:57] I’m not going to dignify that with a response**

[11:58] You just did lol

[12:03] You’re actually ignoring me now?

[12:07] Rude

[12:08] Good night shnookums~

~

Friday AM

[10:23] TGIF, TGIF, TGIF!

**[10:25] Does Friday even mean anything to a waiter?**

[10:27] It does not, no. But you’re not a waiter ;)

**[10:29] I work from home during the weekends**

[10:32] *sigh* ain’t no rest for the wicked

[10:32] I guess money don’t grow on trees

**[10:35] Well, I do have bills to pay**

[10:36] OMG

[10:36] DID YOU JUST GET ONE OF MY REFERENCES

[10:37] GLORIOUS DAY

**[10:39] It is a good song.**

[10:41] brb crying

**[10:43] Oh lord**

~

Sunday PM

[11:13] HAPPY WEEKIVERSARY NEIGHBOR

**[11:15] And here I thought you’d forgotten**

[11:17] Really??

**[11:20] No.**

[11:22] :( but muffincakes

**[11:24] Muffins and cakes are two very different things**

[11:27] It’s a pet name, it doesn’t have to make sense

[11:28] You know, you should be giving me a pet name too

**[11:31] I get to pick?**

[11:33] Am I going to regret this?

**[11:34] You may. Spot.**

[11:36] Spot?? Am I a dog now??

**[11:38] It’s a PET name**

[11:42] Oh my god

[11:43] I am laughing so hard right now

[11:43] I didn’t know you were so punny

**[11:45] Trust me, it’s a one-time thing.**

[11:48] No no, pumpkin, you can’t get out of this now. I officially know that you enjoy puns and I will use this

**[11:51] Oh no.**

[11:53] Oh, yes

[11:53] Good night, my punny neighbor

**[11:55] Good night, Lassie**

[11:57] GOD YES


	3. Names and naps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular  
> Sasuke is bold

Tuesday PM

[6:24] We never finished 20 questions

**[6:26] Shame**

[6:28] Don’t act so unexcited, you know you love it! It’s your turn!

**[6:31] Hmm…**

**[6:31] If you could turn into any animal, what would it be?**

[6:33] A fox

[6:33] Foxes are my spirit animal

**[6:35] How unique**

[6:37] Mhm. What’s your name?

**[6:39] ...Sasuke**

**[6:39] What’s yours?**

[6:41] Naruto :)

**[6:44] Huh.**

[6:46] What?

**[6:49] Nothing, I just...thought you were a girl**

[6:51] Well, good sir, I can assure you that had we met in person, you would have no confusion about my sex

**[6:53] Kinky.**

[6:55] NO WHY

[6:55] PUMPKIN

[6:55] WHY YOU DO THIS

[6:56] MY POOR HEART

**[6:58] Someone’s dramatic**

[7:00] You love it ;)

[7:01] My turn. What’s your favorite movie?

**[7:04] ...I don’t want to say**

[7:07] Come on, it can’t be that embarrassing

[7:07] I promise it won’t ruin your street cred

[7:09] Mine is Hot Fuzz. Does that make you feel better?

**[7:12] Fine, it’s Field of Dreams. And if you laugh, I’ll kill you.**

[7:14] Aww, shnookums, you old softy

**[7:16] You better not be laughing**

[7:17] Honey cakes, I would never!

[7:18] Anyway, I gotta head to work. Later honeybun ;*

**[7:20] Later, Spot.**

[7:21] God, I adore you

~

Wednesday Noon

**[12:25] What kind of restaurant shift starts at 7:30?**

[12:32] Oh, I work in a bar, we don’t close until 4

**[12:35] Did I wake you?**

[12:37] KInd of? I mean I was awake but not UP, you know?

**[12:39] Ah. Sorry.**

[12:41] No worries, I can always nap before work if I need to :)

**[12:44] I don’t think I’ve napped since I was a child**

[12:46] Bruh

[12:46] Naps are my LIFE

**[12:48] I’m too busy for naps**

[12:50] You sound like a shark

[12:50] “If I stop working I die”

**[12:53] I said no such thing**

[12:55] Well, you clearly work too much. You’ve gotta let loose sometimes!

**[12:57] And how, pray tell, should I be “letting loose”?**

[12:59] I like to put on some really loud music and dance my heart out

**[1:02] That doesn’t really sound like me**

[1:04] Well, when that doesn’t work I usually take a few shots and watch funny youtube videos

**[1:06] We’ll see**

[1:09] It’s not a no! Woot!

**[1:12] You’re insane**

[1:14] Thanks, pumpkin ;*


	4. Drunk dials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular  
> Sasuke is bold

Friday AM

_ [1:23] ~Incoming call: Neighbor!!!!!~ _

“Hello?”

**“Hi.”**

“Hi. We’ve...never spoken on the phone before.”

**“Aren’t you observant.”**

“Your voice is deeper than I imagined. Not by much, though, haha.”

**“...”**

“Um...everything okay?”

**“I took your advice.”**

“My advice?”

**“I drank. A lot.”**

“Oh. How did that go?”

**“The drinking went well. It was before the drinking that wasn’t. Didn’t. Ah, hell, I can’t speak when I’m drunk.”**

“Well, what happened before you got drunk?”

**“Stupid Itachi happened. Chewed me out for a mistake I never made. He was all, ‘this is why Mom and Dad made me CEO and not you.’ Which is ridiculous, because he knows just as well as I do that they only made him CEO because he’s older.”**

“Itachi is your brother?”

**‘Clearly, Naruto, keep up.”**

“Sorry. Why did this upset you so much? I mean, you know you’re just as good as he is. So why do you care?”

**“Things between my brother and me are...tense. I don’t like when he uses our parents names for his own selfish reasons.”**

“Why don’t you talk to your parents? Maybe get them to see that you’d be the better CEO?”

**“I can’t. They’re dead.”**

“Oh. I’m so sorry. When did they die?”

**“A long time ago. I’m over it. ...Mostly.”**

“I see…”

**“Yeah.”**

“If it helps, my parents died too. So you’re not alone.”

**“I’m always alone.”**

“What?”

**“I have no one. I have one friend and she’s my secretary so she’s obligated to see me regularly.”**

“Obligated to see you at work doesn’t mean obligated to hang out with you. Were you friends before she became your secretary?”

**“...Maybe.”**

“See! She wouldn’t have become your secretary and have to work with you every day if she didn’t like you!”

**“That’s still only one person.”**

“I like you.”

**“You don’t even know me.”**

“I know that I like talking to you.”

**“You’re a dork.”**

“Aww, babycakes, you say the sweetest things.

**“...”**

“Are you laughing at me? I’m offended!”

**“No, no...I’m laughing at how ridiculous you are.”**

“Aww, shucks, dumplin’. You’re gonna make me blush.”

**“Naruto?”**

“Yeah, muffin tin?”

**“Thank you.”**

“Anytime.”

_ [3:26] ~Call Disconnected~ _

~

[10:03] How do you feel?

**[10:05] Terrible. How did you know?**

[10:07] ...you don’t remember last night, do you?

**[10:10] Remember what?**

**[10:11] Oh...oh no.**

[10:12] Oh, yes.

**[10:14] Just how much of my life did I spill?**

[10:16] You talked about your brother and your parents. Also you apparently think you’re all alone even though you’re not

**[10:19] Shit.**

[10:20] You also said you think I’m the most wonderful man to ever grace your phone and that you wish our conversations would never end

**[10:22] I did not**

[10:24] You don’t know, you were drunk!

**[10:26] Touche. I still didn’t say that.**

[10:27] You’re just trying to ruin all my fun

**[10:29] It’s what I do best**

[10:31] Boo, you whore!


	5. Aphabets and phone calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular  
> Sasuke is bold

Sunday AM

[4:45] An a is just an e turned 180 degrees

**[4:47] What?**

[4:48] An o is just a c that’s holding its own hands

**[4:50] What is going on right now?**

[4:52] I’m making some intense discoveries about the alphabet

[4:53] A b is just an l and an o hugging

**[4:56] Why am I being subjected to this at 5 in the morning?**

[4:58] Because I just got home from work

[4:58] And you put up with me

[4:59] And you told me you don’t sleep

[4:59] An 8 is just a 0 wearing a belt

[5:03] You can’t escape me!

[5:06] Okay, night shnookums <3 zzzzz…..

~

**[12:18] I can’t believe you actually wrote “zzzzz…..”**

[12:33] I can’t believe you started ignoring me. So rude >:(

**[12:35] Please, your angry emoji can’t scare me**

[12:36] Are you saying you’re unscareable?

**[12:39] Yes**

[12:41] CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

**[12:43] ...what have I done**

[12:45] >:)

~

Tuesday AM

_ [1:06] ~Outgoing Call: Neighbor!!!!!~ _

**“Hello?”**

“SHNOOKUMS!”

**“Ow, why are you yelling in my ear? At 1 in the morning?”**

“You obsess over the time too much. Just let it flooow, maaan.”

**“Did you drunk dial me?”**

“I maaay have had a guy offer to buy me some drinks when my shift ended and I maaay have taken him up on it.”

**“So you’re with a guy right now? Why call me?”**

“Aww, honey cakes, are you jealous?”

**“No. I don’t do jealous.”**

“You liiiiike meeeee~”

**“I said no such thing.”**

“Naruto and Sasuke sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G.”

**“You’re so crass. Why do I put up with you?”**

“Didn’t you hear my song?”

**“It was beautiful.”**

“OH MY GOD, I GOT A COMPLIMENT FROM BAE. LIFE COMPLETE.”

**“...Again, why are you calling me if you’re with a guy?”**

“Oh, I’m not. He kept getting handsy so I ditched him.”

**“Not into guys?”**

“No, not into guys who think they can get in my pants when they barely know my name. I have  _ class _ , you know.”

**“Oh, yeah, I’ll bet.”**

“Are you slut shaming me? Rude.”

**“No, I’m saying you don’t have class. Get with it, Naruto.”**

“You wanna know a secret?”

**“Sure, why not?”**

“I’ve got a crush on someone. Winky face.”

**“Did you just...did you just say the words** **_winky face_ ** **?”**

“Stop laughing at me! You’re gonna hurt my feelings!”

**“I’m sure your feelings will manage. I, on the other hand, am not so lucky.”**

“Aww, muffin tin, you think I’m funny! I knew this was meant to be!”

**“Your pet names are getting stale. Shouldn’t you be thinking up some original ones?”**

“CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Which reminds me, I have to scare you!”

**“You absolutely do not.”**

“Aww, is patty cakes afraid?”

**“I’m not** **_afraid_ ** **, I just don’t like scary stories. They’re not...enjoyable.”**

“Sasuke LastName sitting in a tree. S-C-A-R-E-D.”

**“...”**

“Stop laughing at me!”

**“You are completely ridiculous.”**

“You love me and you know it.”

**“Whatever you say, Spot.”**

[2:57]  _ ~Call Disconnected~ _

~

**[9:09] GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM**

[9:11] I hate you

**[9:12] I think last night proved that that is not the case**

[9:15] Go away

**[9:17] ;)**

~

[1:53] A winky face?? Are you trying to kill me??

**[1:55] That would be rather counterproductive**

[1:56] wHAT

**[1:57] Never mind**

[1:58] Just say you like me already. I promise I won’t tell ;)

**[2:00] I’ve gotta get back to work. Bye, Naruto.**

[2:01] Bye, baby cakes ;*


	6. Crushes and phone calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular, Sasuke is bold, Sakura is underlined

Thursday PM

**[10:23] I’m starting to feel like we only talk to each other when one of us is drunk**

[10:24] Are you drunk right now?

**[10:26] I had one shot, so no**

[10:27] Well, neither am I! There you go, we don’t only talk when drunk ;)

[10:35] Well, we will if you keep this ignoring thing up!

~

**[12:02] NaruTo**

**[12:02] NaRUTO**

**[12:03] Stop sleeping I have to tell you somthin**

**[12:04] Narutooo**

**[12:04] Fine ill tell you anyway**

**[12:05] I like some1 too**

**[12:05] And his name isssssss………………**

**[12:06] Zzzzzzzz…..**

~

Wednesday AM

[8:29] So who is this mysterious crush??

**[8:31] My head is pounding, please don’t text so loudly**

**[8:31] Wait, what crush?**

[8:32] Hahaha scroll up

**[8:35] Fuck**

[8:37] So colorful ;) tell meeeeeee

**[8:38] I have no idea who drunk me was talking about**

[8:40] Liar! You know exactly who your drunk crush is, now tell me! Is it the secretary friend?

**[8:42] I guess I never mentioned that I’m gay**

[8:44] That sucks, I don’t know any of your guys friends! How am I supposed to guess now??

**[8:46] You’re not. That’s kind of the point.**

[8:48] Boo, you whore!

**[8:50] Speaking of, I’m about 90% certain I watched Mean Girls while I was drunk**

[8:51] Omggggg

[8:52] Tell me EVERYTHING

**[8:54] I don’t remember much, seeing as I was drunk… But I do remember enjoying it. So thank you.**

[8:56] AWW HONEY PIE

**[8:57] Stop that before I regret everything**

[8:59] You still love meee~

**[9:01] You’re...bearable**

[9:02] I’LL TAKE IT

~

[12:25] Can I ask why you hate your brother?

[12:25] You don’t have to tell me, of course

[12:27] Fuck, that was probably too much…I’m sorry

[12:28] Forget I asked

**[12:29] No, it’s...it’s okay**

**[12:30] I blame him for my parents deaths**

[12:31] Oh wow

**[12:33] Yeah. Basically, there was a party that he wanted to go to and my parents said no, because they knew there would be alcohol. Naturally, Itachi snuck out and went to the party anyway**

**[12:34] He got so hammered, someone called my parents to pick him up because he was throwing up everywhere. So they went to get him. The night was foggy and rainy and they were distracted yelling at him. So they never saw the other car.**

[12:37] Oh wow...how did Itachi make out?

**[12:38] Who cares. Obviously he’s fine now.**

[12:40] Right, sorry… Are you okay?

**[12:42] I wasn’t in the car. Though sometimes I wish I had been.**

[12:43] Sasuke no

[12:44] You have people who love you and care about you, and who would be very upset had you died that night

[12:44] Don’t think like that

**[12:46] The only people who would have cared back then were my parents, and they died anyway. Sakura would have gotten over it, we barely knew each other**

[12:47]  _ ~Outgoing Call: Neighbor!!!!!~ _

**“What?”**

“Stop selling yourself short! I can’t imagine where I’d be right now if I had never met you.”

**“We’ve never met.”**

“A minor technicality.”

**“You would have been fine without me.”**

“How do you know that?”

**“We’ve only known each other for 2 and a half weeks.”**

“And it’s been the best damn 2 and a half weeks of my adult life. Life is hard, Sasuke, and you made things...better. You’re so cold and distant, but damn it, you gave me a  _ pet _ name, and I haven’t laughed that hard since I was a kid. And I was a wacky one.”

**“...”**

“You made things brighter when you showed up, and you can’t tell me I didn’t do that for you at least a little bit. Hell, you watched Mean Girls ‘cause of me!”

**“...”**

“I don’t care how long we’ve known each other, you’re important to me. So if you die, I’ll kill you.”

**“...”**

“Sasuke?”

**“Thank you. For saying I’m important.”**

“You are, dumbass.”

**“No one’s ever said that to me before.”**

“Well, I guess that just makes me extra special.”

**“You are special. To a lot of people, I’m sure.”**

“Aww, bunny cakes. I knew you liked me.”

**“I should get back to work. My lunch break ended a while ago.”**

“If the boss complains, just moon him.”

**“Completely ridiculous.”**

“Winky face.”

**“Goodbye, Naruto.”**

“Goodbye, cupcake.”

[1:42]  _ ~Call Disconnected~ _

~

**[1:44] I have a problem**

[1:45] I can be in your office in 6 seconds, why are you texting me?

**[1:46] I don’t want anybody to overhear. Do you remember that person who texted me a few weeks ago?**

[1:46] Stranger Danger? Yeah, why?

[1:47] Wait, you’re not still texting her??

**[1:48] ...Yes**

**[1:48] And he’s a guy, turns out**

[1:49] So probably not one of your best ideas, but what’s the problem?

[1:50] Unless you’re falling for him or something lol

**[1:52] ...I have a problem.**

[1:53] SASUKE NO

**[1:55] I may have been in one of my...moods when he texted me and he pulled me out of it. Easily.**

**[1:55] And he barely knows me**

[1:56] That’s it, we are going out for drinks after work and you’re telling me EVERYTHING

**[1:58] You’re paying**

[1:59] Deal


	7. Weekends and rock stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular  
> Sasuke is bold  
> Sakura is underlined

Friday PM

[2:42] Hey

**[2:44] Hey**

[2:45] You doing okay?

**[2:47] Yeah**

**[2:47] I actually wanted to thank you. For what you did**

[2:48] Oh, no problem

[2:49] And I meant what I said. You are important.

**[2:51] You still don’t know me…**

[2:53] I actually feel like I know you better after the other day

[2:53] I’ve actually been thinking...do you maybe wanna...idk, meet? At some point?

**[2:55] Meet? In person?**

[2:56] That was the idea, yes

[3:02] Sasuke?

**~**

**[2:56] He wants to meet up. In person.**

[2:57] That’s great!

**[2:59] No, it’s terrible. What if he hates me?**

[3:00] Since when do you care what people think?

**[3:01] Since Naruto**

[3:02] Oy, this dude’s really done a number on you…

[3:02] It’ll be fine, He wouldn’t want to meet up if he didn’t already like you

**[3:04] I’m in too deep, Sakura**

[3:05] No, you’re in just the right amount. It’s okay to let yourself feel something, Sasuke

**[3:06] What if it all explodes in my face?**

[3:08] Then at least you’ll have had this experience. Which you loved. Now go tell him yes!

**[3:09] ...Okay**

~

**[3:10] I suppose that would be okay**

[3:11] Well, don’t jump out of your seat now lol

**[3:13] I’m not really a jump out of my seat kind of person.** **But meeting you sounds nice.**

[3:15] Aww, pookie, you’re gonna make me blushhhhh

**[3:18] That is the goal**

[3:20] WAT

**[3:22] Kidding**

[3:23] *shakes finger* you’re killing me, you know

**[3:25] ;***

[3:26] DEAD DEAD DEADED

**[3:28] Goodbye, Naruto**

[3:30] Goodbye, pumpkin xoxo

~

Sunday AM

[11:23] Hellooo neighbor! How's your weekend going?

**[11:25] Weekend doesn't exist for me, you know this**

[11:27] Boooooo

[11:27] Can't you take a break once in a while?

**[11:29] I could. I have no reason to**

[11:30] Talking to me isn't good enough? :( 

**[11:32] I can do both**

[11:34] Oh, can you? Quick, what’s the square root of pi?

**[11:36] No**

[11:37] Ding, ding, ding, you are correct! The answer is “math, more like no”

**[11:39] Dork**

[11:41] You have to keep me entertained! I don’t have work for a while!

**[11:42] Took your vacation?**

[11:44] Fractured my foot

**[11:46] Oh. How’d you manage that?**

[11:48] I tripped on someone’s foot at the bar. I’ll be out of commission for a couple months. Tbh I think the only reason they didn’t fire me is cause they’re afraid I’ll sue

**[11:50] Why would they fire you for a broken bone?**

[11:51] Businesses are cold. Can’t work for a while? Never gonna work again. Thankfully I’ll still have my job when I’m better, cause I’ve got rent and hospital bills I can’t afford lol

**[11:53] Hmm**

**[11:54] What’s your last name?**

[11:56] Ooh, getting personal, are we? How about you buy me dinner first? ;)

**[11:57] I want you to know I’m rolling my eyes at you**

[11:58] Haha, it’s Uzumaki. Why do you ask?

**[12:00] Just curious**

[12:01] Well, it’s only fair for you to give me yours now

**[12:03] Uchiha**

[12:04] Uchiha, Uchiha...why is that so familiar

[12:05] Wait, like Uchiha International??

**[12:07] That’s the one**

[12:08] Are you telling me I’ve been texting the heir of Uchiha International? The biggest conglomerate this side of the Pacific?

**[12:10] It’s really not that big of a deal**

[12:11] I beg to differ. I feel like I’m talking to a rock star

**[12:13] Not a rock star, just an analyst. And technically my brother was the heir**

[12:15] *Rockstar by Nickelback plays in the background*

**[12:19] Interesting song**

**[12:19] I could do most of that for you, you know. If I were so inclined.**

[12:20] Did you just propose to me?

**[12:22] I’m quite sure that isn’t what I was aiming for**

[12:23] TOO LATE, CAN’T TAKE IT BACK

**[12:25] Ridiculous**

[12:26] ;)


	8. Plans and freakouts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is regular  
> Sasuke is bold  
> Sakura is underlines  
> Hinata is italics
> 
> Last chapter before the meetup! I hope you're as excited as I am! We find out a bit about the Uchiha brothers' situation in this chapter as well :)

Sunday Noon

[12:26] YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO MY PHONE NEIGHBOR IS

_ [12:27] Who? _

[12:29] SASUKE UCHIHA

[12:29] OF UCHIHA INTERNATIONAL

_ [12:30] And? _

[12:31] He’s practically famous! I’m talking to someone who’s famous!

_ [12:33] I’m glad you’re so happy, but it’s not like he’s Brad Pitt _

[12:34] Brad Pitt? Really?

_ [12:36] Chris Hemsworth? _

[12:37] Much better

~

Tuesday PM

[4:32] So I called up the hospital to make a payment plan

[4:32] And they were like

[4:32] “The account has been paid off in full”

[4:33] I’m sitting there like ???

[4:33] Who do I know who would pay a multi-thousand dollar hospital bill for me?

[4:34] Couldn’t think of anyone

[4:34] So I asked who paid it and they told me the name on the card

[4:34] So I guess what I’m saying/asking is

[4:35] How and why did you pay my hospital bill???

**[4:37] Well, the how is quite simple. You can do just about anything when you’re an Uchiha**

**[4:37] The why...well, you said you couldn’t afford it. It seemed like the thing to do**

[4:38] I don’t know what to say...It’s such a huge thing, I mean, thank you, but...I really don’t know what to say…

**[4:40] You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t do it for a thank you or anything**

[4:41] Well, I’m saying thank you anyway. So...thank you, Sasuke

**[4:43] You’re welcome, Naruto**

~

Thursday Noon

**[12:01] I’m about to have lunch with my brother**

[12:02] Oh? How come?

**[12:04] He said he wanted to “clear the air,” whatever that means**

[12:06] How do you feel about this?

**[12:07] I don’t know...Strange. I’ve never just sat down and had lunch with Itachi before, not since I was obligated to**

[12:08] Are you nervous? What do you think he’s going to say?

**[12:09] If it was about work, that would be fine. I’ve had plenty of work meetings with him. But “clear the air,” that definitely sounds personal. I guess I am nervous**

**[12:10] I have to go, he just walked in**

[12:11] Good luck!

**[12:11] Thank you.**

~

[4:32] So how did lunch go?

**[4:35] It was...surprising**

[4:37] Do you want to talk about it?

**[4:39] I’m not sure...He started out by saying he wanted to talk about the accident. I told him I didn’t want to hear his excuses, but he somehow managed to convince me to listen.**

**[4:40] He said the only reason he went to that party was because a friend of his was going and she was known for getting into trouble. So he went to protect her.**

**[4:40] Apparently he didn’t get drunk, he punched a guy out for trying to hurt his friend**

**[4:41] I’m not so clear on why he had someone tell my parents he was drunk...Things got a little fuzzy after I found out everything I thought my whole life was a lie**

[4:43] Wow, that sounds intense...and you believe him?

**[4:45] Itachi isn’t the kind of person to lie about something like this**

[4:47] Why did he let you hate him for so long? And why clear the air now all of a sudden?

**[4:49] Something about redemption for my parents’ deaths through my hating him and pushing him out as CEO. I’m not sure why he decided to tell me now…**

[4:50] Wow. Are you okay?

**[4:52] Just...in shock.**

[4:53] Need something to get you out of it?

**[4:55] No, I’ll be okay. Thanks**

[4:57] Anytime

~

Friday PM

[8:32] So I’ve been thinking about this meeting up thing

**[8:34] Oh?**

[8:36] Yeah. You haven’t chickened out, have you, sugar lump? ;)

**[8:38] Not at all**

[8:40] Good! So I was thinking we should do it while I’m still injured and off from work

**[8:42] Sounds like a plan**

[8:43] So how’s Sunday sound? 

[8:52] Hellooo?

~

**[8:44] He wants to meet me. This Sunday.**

[8:45] Isn’t that good?? I thought you were excited about this!

**[8:47] But it’s so quick. I have no time to plan, to prepare**

[8:49] Prepare what? A speech about how much you looooove himmmmm?

**[8:50] Stop that! Prepare...I don’t know, prepare anything**

[8:51] You’re such a dork

[8:51] You don’t have to prepare anything, he likes you as you are, as strange as that may seem

**[8:52] But what if?**

[8:52] What if what?

**[8:54] What if anything. What if things go wrong and we can never go back to how it was?**

[8:55] Then you enjoy the time you had. But you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t even try

**[8:56] I don’t want to lose him**

[8:57] And the fact that you’re willing to admit that to anyone shows that you HAVE to meet him

**[8:58] ...Okay. If you say so**

~

**[8:59] Sunday sounds nice**

[9:01] Sure took your time, I was beginning to think you had died or something

**[9:03] Sorry, something came up**

[9:04] Well, why don’t you pick the time Sunday, since you’re the busy one?

**[9:06] Okay...how’s lunch? 12?**

[9:07] Sounds good, where?

**[9:09] I picked the time, you pick the place**

[9:11] Okay, you know that cute cafe in the plaza?

**[9:13] I believe so**

[9:14] There. 12 o’ clock. See you then!

**[9:16] See you then**


	9. The Big Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The big meetup! I thought about doing that thing where something happened and one of them got stood up, but I was like nahhh, let's keep it fluffy. Anyway, thanks for joining me on this journey! I appreciate every kudos, comment, and bookmark, and I love you all! I hope you enjoy!

[11:55] Don’t be nervous! It’s gonna be amazing!!

~

_ [11:57] Knock ‘em dead, Naruto! _

~

**[11:58] I’m at the table in the back**

[11:59] Be there in a sec!

~

Sasuke was nervous. He hated it, but he couldn’t help it; he was about to meet the man who had brought him down from a depressive episode with  _ no effort _ . Oh, god, what if Naruto hated him? What if he hated Naruto? What if Naruto wasn’t who he thought he was?

What if he was  _ old _ ?

He was still in his head when a voice brought him out of it. “Sasuke?”

Sasuke looked up at the voice, his eyes landing on a handsome young man with bright yellow hair, leaning on crutches. He was wearing an orange sweatshirt and black pants, a shy smile gracing his face.

“Naruto,” he said, much more calmly than he felt.

Naruto grinned, seemingly relieved, and sat down in the chair across from him, struggling slightly as he tried to arrange his crutches so they weren’t in anybody’s way. “Hey! It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Sasuke nodded. “Agreed.”

There was a silence, neither men sure what to say, until a waitress came by and asked for their orders, Naruto ordering some mozzarella sticks as his appetizer and Sasuke sticking to coffee.

“So…” Naruto started once the waitress--Sarah, her name tag had said--left to get their food, biting his lip. “Isn’t this nice and awkward?” he laughed nervously.

Sasuke smiled. He was cute; Sasuke liked it. “How’s the leg?”

“Oh, this old thing? It’s okay, doesn’t hurt so much anymore, thankfully.” Naruto smiled sheepishly. 

“How do you feel having all this free time from work?”

“So. Bored,” Naruto said pointedly, letting his face fall slack and his tongue fall out of his mouth to prove his point. Sasuke snorted. 

“Well, if you’d like, you could come work in my office until you’re healed.”

Naruto perked up immediately. “Are you serious?”

Sasuke shrugged. “It wouldn’t be anything glamorous, but it would be something to do.”

“Oh, I am so taking you up on that. You better not regret it!”

Just then, the waitress brought over their food and drinks, setting it gently on the table before asking if they knew what they wanted for main course yet. Naruto flushed; he hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. Quickly glancing through it, he ordered a pasta dish that sounded heavenly. He didn’t quite notice what Sasuke ordered but he figured it would be just as good.

“So what would this job entail?” Naruto asked, taking a bite of a mozzarella stick.

Sasuke took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. “You’d probably work in the mail room, or be the coffee wench.”

Naruto choked on his mozzarella stick. “Coffee wench? You call it a  _ coffee wench _ ?”

Sasuke smirked. “No. But your face sure was fun to look at when I did.”

“I wish I had a french fry to throw at you right now,” Naruto huffed, his cheeks graced with an embarrassed pink hue.

He laughed, and Naruto couldn’t help but smile at the sound.

They talked animatedly for a while, about nothing in particular, until the waitress came back with their food orders. They ate mostly silently, choosing to focus on not choking on their food, but they peppered some conversation in between bites. 

When they finished eating, Naruto tried to grab the check to see his share, but Sasuke was quicker, grabbing the bill and slipping a credit card inside the flap with barely a glance at the total.

“What’s my share?” Naruto asked, already knowing the man wouldn’t tell him.

True to his intuition, Sasuke shrugged. “I didn’t check.”

Naruto sighed but didn’t argue. He didn’t know Sasuke  _ that _ well, but he knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t get anywhere by arguing.

When Sasuke’s credit card was returned, they left the cafe, heading to a park Naruto knew of nearby.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Naruto asked when they were comfortably seated on a bench. Sasuke nodded. “How have things been between you and your brother since that conversation?”

Sasuke tensed and Naruto cursed himself for asking. “They’ve been...better, actually.” He seemed to relax and Naruto let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “But let’s not talk about Itachi.”

Naruto nodded. “Sorry.”

They were silent for a while, neither sure what to say. After a bit, Naruto slowly reached his hand out, gently taking Sasuke’s hand in his own. Sasuke looked over in surprise to see Naruto looking away nervously, a flush gracing his pale cheeks. Sasuke smiled and squeezed Naruto’s hand, making the man look at him in pleasant surprise, a small smile on his face. “Hi,” Naruto said.

“Hi.”

Hesitating, Naruto slowly leaned toward Sasuke, bringing their faces close. He wasn’t going to close the gap, Sasuke knew. Naturo would let him do that. Could he? Sasuke’s palms were sweating and his heart was beating a mile a minute. Of course, his poker face was perfect, but that didn’t change how he felt. Is this what he wanted?

Yes. Yes, it was.

Slowly, he leaned his head forward and closed the distance between their lips.

It was magnificent. There were no fireworks, but it was as if everything he’d built up in his head all these weeks had been leading up to this moment. When they pulled apart, Naruto had a shy smile on his face and a light blush dusting his cheeks. “Hi.”

Sasuke smiled and leaned his forehead against Naruto’s. If this was heaven, he didn’t deserve it. But he sure as hell would enjoy it.


End file.
